learning…..

i have not blogged in a very long time….. 
the past 9 months have been pretty darn hard…..
 i am writing today because i need to express myself and not feel judged for what i am feeling….. 
my oldest and his wife lost a baby at 13 weeks, (this was the 4 one they have lost)…..

we lost my father in law in october….. 
we now (along with david's brothers) have the responsibility of my mother in law who has alzheimer's….. 

 in march we lost my mom's twin brother whom we were quit close with….. 

 we had to put my mother in law into an assisted living home, (anyone who has done this know just how difficult this is)…..

 
my youngest was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder….. 

then last but not least davids work could not be any more stressful for him at this time, he is managing the design, building and executing of a new tester for work….. 

any one of these could potentially give me reason to stay in bed and pull the covers up over my head and pray it would all go away….. 
i know this is not possible, so now it is up to my sweetheart and myself to learn what it is we are being taught….. 

my tears flow easily now….. 
there are days when my smile does not make it to my eyes….. 
and truth be told i feel ancient….. 
i look in the mirror and wonder who that is looking back at me, i feel so haggard….. 
 i am just telling it like it is….. 

i know i am being taught….. 
i know that my heavenly father has a plan….. 
i know he hears and answers prayers…..
i know the sun will come up tomorrow…..
i also know that it hurts like hell right now….. 

i want nothing more than to take the pain my sweetheart feels from not only loosing his father but his mother also….. 
i want to take the anxiety away from my youngest, i personally know how hellish mental issues are….. 

i want my family to know that i am aware of my heavenly fathers hand in our lives at this time…..

i want my sweetheart to know just how wonderful he is and how blessed i feel knowing that i am his and he is mine….. 
we are an eternal family…..